How am I called to forgive?
Do I forgive others in my life now?
These are questions parading my mind that have been enhanced by bible study this week.
Matthew 18:22
Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven."
Matthew 6:9-13 Our Father
I have heard from a priest in confession that forgiveness is constant. This is a hard truth because sometimes I want to say that I have fully forgiven someone, but I soon realize how flawed I am. It is hard to forgive someone and let go. But we are also called to learn from our mistakes.
How are we called to forgive in our day to day life?
God loves and forgives us as shown by the love He poured out on the cross for us.
But in order to receive God's forgiveness, we have to choose to accept the love He gives us. We also have to repent from the times that we have rejected God and disrupted our relationship with Him through sinning.
I wonder if our heart's capacity to forgive is directly proportional to our capacity to love.
Tuesday, February 3, 2015
Tuesday, January 27, 2015
Suffering and Healing
This week started with a household talk about healing. I almost didn't go to the meeting. I had just been at a soccer team leadership meeting and all I could think about was the homework I needed to complete. But I felt a nudge so I went and I am always happier when I listen to my intuition. A senior talked about the 3 different levels of healing that occur on the physical, psychological, and spiritual level. I am not proficient in all of the levels, but for the most part physical wounds are the tangible wounds that we see and can pray for, such as "Pray for Bob's broken foot." The psychological wounds cut deeper and have to do with emotions, obsessions, or lies that we believe about ourselves. Spiritual wounds are the deepest wounds and require spiritual direction, confession, and invoking the name of Jesus to break the bonds. During the discussion that followed, one of the freshman made a comment that stuck with me. She said that sometimes we hold onto our scars or suffering because we have formed our identity in them. But we are called to form our identity in Christ, not in our crosses. I came home that night and experienced healing through a deep conversation with one of my dearest friends. God is just so good.
I believe that the most intimate encounter I can have with another person is to understand how Christ is working through their lives through personal suffering. Whenever I have been vulnerable and told a friend about a personal matter, whether that suffering is from eons ago or from a recent experience, I have always felt like I was sharing the deepest part of me. This is partly true because sharing our personal journey requires vulnerability and maturity. Intimacy is misguided, though, if my identity resides more in suffering rather than listening to Christ. He calls me to heal from suffering in order to glorify Him and even help others heal from wounds as well.
At bible study the next day, the bible verse we focused on was John 1:1-18 about the light overcoming the darkness. The topic of suffering came up again and the discussion focused predominately on how God always brings good out of something. How sometimes we feel as though we are in the dark and that changing our perspective of suffering to have purpose can help us. How God can use our journey to help someone else going through a similar experience and draw people together.
Then, at mass tonight, the topic of suffering came up again in the homily. A Eucharistic adorer and personal friend of the abbot, Marty, is in his final hours after battling ALS for many years. Marty wrote a book called "Joy and Suffering: My Life with ALS" that I hope to read one day. As the abbot explained the biological process of ALS, when all the muscles of the body shut down, I revisited my good friend Parkinson's disease and the neurological implications that PD leaves the patient with. PD is such a personal battle for me because my Dad was diagnosed with onset PD almost 10 years ago. This past summer my dad received a Deep Brain Stimulation surgery that has greatly increased his daily functionality. But the progression of the disease will continue, even though his symptoms have become much more manageable. The homily reminded me of how a disease weighs on a family and also draws them closer together.
I don't know if I consciously choose to define my personal journey as my family's suffering with PD, but I know that subconsciously it affects my friendships. The important lesson to remember, however, is not to be so attached to personal suffering, but to continue to work on breaking that bond and focusing on Christ's eyes. It isn't about the amount of suffering someone has experienced, but on growing closer to Christ.
Speaking of Christ's eyes, today I found out that Bl. Titus Brandsma is my patron saint of the year on the same day as the memorial of the liberation of Auschwitz 70 years ago. Bl. Titus was a priest, studied philosophy, and was tortured as a medical experiment and killed at Dachau concentration camp. He wrote an awesome prayer contemplating Our Lord's eyes.
I believe that the most intimate encounter I can have with another person is to understand how Christ is working through their lives through personal suffering. Whenever I have been vulnerable and told a friend about a personal matter, whether that suffering is from eons ago or from a recent experience, I have always felt like I was sharing the deepest part of me. This is partly true because sharing our personal journey requires vulnerability and maturity. Intimacy is misguided, though, if my identity resides more in suffering rather than listening to Christ. He calls me to heal from suffering in order to glorify Him and even help others heal from wounds as well.
At bible study the next day, the bible verse we focused on was John 1:1-18 about the light overcoming the darkness. The topic of suffering came up again and the discussion focused predominately on how God always brings good out of something. How sometimes we feel as though we are in the dark and that changing our perspective of suffering to have purpose can help us. How God can use our journey to help someone else going through a similar experience and draw people together.
Then, at mass tonight, the topic of suffering came up again in the homily. A Eucharistic adorer and personal friend of the abbot, Marty, is in his final hours after battling ALS for many years. Marty wrote a book called "Joy and Suffering: My Life with ALS" that I hope to read one day. As the abbot explained the biological process of ALS, when all the muscles of the body shut down, I revisited my good friend Parkinson's disease and the neurological implications that PD leaves the patient with. PD is such a personal battle for me because my Dad was diagnosed with onset PD almost 10 years ago. This past summer my dad received a Deep Brain Stimulation surgery that has greatly increased his daily functionality. But the progression of the disease will continue, even though his symptoms have become much more manageable. The homily reminded me of how a disease weighs on a family and also draws them closer together.
I don't know if I consciously choose to define my personal journey as my family's suffering with PD, but I know that subconsciously it affects my friendships. The important lesson to remember, however, is not to be so attached to personal suffering, but to continue to work on breaking that bond and focusing on Christ's eyes. It isn't about the amount of suffering someone has experienced, but on growing closer to Christ.
Speaking of Christ's eyes, today I found out that Bl. Titus Brandsma is my patron saint of the year on the same day as the memorial of the liberation of Auschwitz 70 years ago. Bl. Titus was a priest, studied philosophy, and was tortured as a medical experiment and killed at Dachau concentration camp. He wrote an awesome prayer contemplating Our Lord's eyes.
Before an Image of Jesus Crucified
Dear Lord, when looking up at Thee, I see Thy loving eyes on me; Love overflows my humble heart, Knowing what a faithful friend Thou are.
A cup of sorrow I foresee, Which I accept for love of Thee, Thy painful way I wish to go;The only way to God I know.
My soul is full of peace and light;Although in pain, this light shines bright. For here Thou keepest to Thy breast.
My longing heart to find there rest. Leave me here freely all alone, In cell where never sunlight shone. Should no one ever speak to me,
This golden silence makes me free! For though alone, I have no fear; Never wert Thou, O Lord, so near. Sweet Jesus, please, abide with me!
My deepest peace I find in Thee
Sunday, January 18, 2015
The Beauty of Priests
If there is anything I've learned in the past year, is that God works in mysterious and, often, comical ways. Only He could orchestrate for ordinary, very human and full-of-fault men to participate intimately in sharing the Body of Christ. They spend their days conversing with God and sharing Him with those entrusted to their care.
These priests have been such a good influence in my spiritual journey. Not only are they busy with ministering to the sick and dying, but they still care for others and are attentive to the needs of others. The highlight of my Christmas break was encountering Christ through friendships with priests who know me and my family so well. I love the monks on campus and they often have very pertinent teachings. I especially connect with the monks or priests on campus who intentionally minister to the students and participate in academic or sport functions. Br. Edward is a good friend to me because he has taken me under his wing and enabled me to open up about my struggles to him. There is also something beautiful about rekindling old friendships with priests who have stuck with me through my formation and transition from highschool to college. I think Fr. Vander-Woude just looked at me and laughed because he knows me. he told me that he has been asking about me from friends. How silly of me to think that he would forget. He still exudes care and holiness and I think he sees my mom in me. Oh goodness! "Your mom, she's something else."
Fr. Larry has such a grace of remembering as well. He always knows just what I need to hear and confession with him is SO GOOD. And just the mutual friendships his spirituality has lead me to discover is something that only God could orchestrate, like my summer physical therapy internship. Such a blessing and privilege to go to confession with this good man. And he also understands the broader picture of me because he knows my family and our values.
Fr. Paul just knows my family so well and he has walked through the journey, even from a distance, of our struggles and joys. He has chosen to participate in the journey with us because of his loving personality. What a blessing it is to know these priests! And his friendship is such that he still opens up about his personal relationship with Christ.
A popular event on campus is Theology on Tap where priests have a relaxed discussion with students and answer questions. Oh and alcohol is also involved for those 21 and up so it's a pretty sweet deal. The most recent priest talked about the difference between confession, spiritual direction and spiritual counseling. Confession is when we confess sins and receive the grace of forgiveness. Spiritual direction is accountability and receiving recommendations for self-improvement in the spiritual life. These include telling the spiritual director of one's struggles with sins while also forming a game plan of how to avoid sinning in the future. On the other hand, spiritual counseling is much more psychologically based and goes through the struggle of removing a sin by expressing the origin of where the struggle resulted from in child hood. It was very enlightening to distinguish between these various spiritual aides.
God speaks to us by consoling our hearts through the twists and turns of life. Sometimes I am fearful of the change that God is directing towards my heart and would prefer to assert my own independence. But He calls and soothes me back down toward him. Then, there are times when His hand is very obvious: through conversing with others, spiritual reading, and things He brings up in our hearts. We just have to have the perspective to see His work underlying EVERYTHING and to grow in awe of Him. Like Fr. Kirby said, God's ways are strange to those who are strangers to God.
These priests have been such a good influence in my spiritual journey. Not only are they busy with ministering to the sick and dying, but they still care for others and are attentive to the needs of others. The highlight of my Christmas break was encountering Christ through friendships with priests who know me and my family so well. I love the monks on campus and they often have very pertinent teachings. I especially connect with the monks or priests on campus who intentionally minister to the students and participate in academic or sport functions. Br. Edward is a good friend to me because he has taken me under his wing and enabled me to open up about my struggles to him. There is also something beautiful about rekindling old friendships with priests who have stuck with me through my formation and transition from highschool to college. I think Fr. Vander-Woude just looked at me and laughed because he knows me. he told me that he has been asking about me from friends. How silly of me to think that he would forget. He still exudes care and holiness and I think he sees my mom in me. Oh goodness! "Your mom, she's something else."
Fr. Larry has such a grace of remembering as well. He always knows just what I need to hear and confession with him is SO GOOD. And just the mutual friendships his spirituality has lead me to discover is something that only God could orchestrate, like my summer physical therapy internship. Such a blessing and privilege to go to confession with this good man. And he also understands the broader picture of me because he knows my family and our values.
Fr. Paul just knows my family so well and he has walked through the journey, even from a distance, of our struggles and joys. He has chosen to participate in the journey with us because of his loving personality. What a blessing it is to know these priests! And his friendship is such that he still opens up about his personal relationship with Christ.
A popular event on campus is Theology on Tap where priests have a relaxed discussion with students and answer questions. Oh and alcohol is also involved for those 21 and up so it's a pretty sweet deal. The most recent priest talked about the difference between confession, spiritual direction and spiritual counseling. Confession is when we confess sins and receive the grace of forgiveness. Spiritual direction is accountability and receiving recommendations for self-improvement in the spiritual life. These include telling the spiritual director of one's struggles with sins while also forming a game plan of how to avoid sinning in the future. On the other hand, spiritual counseling is much more psychologically based and goes through the struggle of removing a sin by expressing the origin of where the struggle resulted from in child hood. It was very enlightening to distinguish between these various spiritual aides.
God speaks to us by consoling our hearts through the twists and turns of life. Sometimes I am fearful of the change that God is directing towards my heart and would prefer to assert my own independence. But He calls and soothes me back down toward him. Then, there are times when His hand is very obvious: through conversing with others, spiritual reading, and things He brings up in our hearts. We just have to have the perspective to see His work underlying EVERYTHING and to grow in awe of Him. Like Fr. Kirby said, God's ways are strange to those who are strangers to God.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Vulnerability
Life can be measured by heart to hearts because that is where the true, the good, and the beautiful blooms. Heart to hearts are when your aching soul opens up to another aching soul and the exquisite delight of God's grace becomes prevalent. When we allow ourselves to be vulnerable to our very core, nothing but growth and change occurs from within. Life giving love is the "expansive" feeling of giving of ourselves and receiving another's empathy. Only selfless love can stem from such an intimate encounter because we begin to see Christ's image in another soul.
"To love another person is to see the face of God."
- Les Miserables
"To love another person is to see the face of God."
- Les Miserables
Self - Reflection
Dear world, aka myself,
I feel like I write on this blog when I want to professionally publish any philosophical musings I have. These philosophical musings usually occur when I need to study and suddenly I just have to write down every single thought - good or bad- on a nearby scrap of paper or else I will dieeeee. How cool is it to discover hidden depths through writing that you didn't know that you possessed before? God is so at work in our day to day lives. He is so cool.
I love reviewing my internal growth through writing. I also have so much to continue to grow in. He is always so so so good.
Recently, I have been feeling very imperfect, but yet I still have this overwhelming sense of worthiness. I know that I am worthy of greatness and excellence and virtue, but I am so very imperfect and have very limited means of attaining these goals.
And yet, to be imperfect is to be human. I am learning to compartmentalize work and play in order to not have an emotional response when someone constructively criticizes my work, instead of viewing them as criticizing my worth. That's part of being a student athlete who has deadlines and dates that I have to attend to.
Edith Stein has wise words for women in her Essay "The Separate Vocations of Man and Woman According to Nature and Grace." She says that a woman's professional activity "counterbalances the risk of submerging herself all too intimately in another's life and thereby sacrificing her own; however, an exclusive preoccupation with her professional activity would bring the opposite danger of infidelity toward her feminine vocation." There has to be balance in a woman's life or else she will be too involved in someone else's personal life and forget about her own life or if she is too involved in her professional life than she can neglect her duties as a wife and mother. In order to achieve this balance of thinking objectively while understanding that feminity is a gift, women must go to God and "surrender themselves completely into the Lord's hands." (78). Have I mentioned before how much I love Edith Stein? She gets it. I just want to have her over to my room, drink tea and discuss masculinity and feminity.
And yet, to be imperfect is to be human. I am learning to compartmentalize work and play in order to not have an emotional response when someone constructively criticizes my work, instead of viewing them as criticizing my worth. That's part of being a student athlete who has deadlines and dates that I have to attend to.
Edith Stein has wise words for women in her Essay "The Separate Vocations of Man and Woman According to Nature and Grace." She says that a woman's professional activity "counterbalances the risk of submerging herself all too intimately in another's life and thereby sacrificing her own; however, an exclusive preoccupation with her professional activity would bring the opposite danger of infidelity toward her feminine vocation." There has to be balance in a woman's life or else she will be too involved in someone else's personal life and forget about her own life or if she is too involved in her professional life than she can neglect her duties as a wife and mother. In order to achieve this balance of thinking objectively while understanding that feminity is a gift, women must go to God and "surrender themselves completely into the Lord's hands." (78). Have I mentioned before how much I love Edith Stein? She gets it. I just want to have her over to my room, drink tea and discuss masculinity and feminity.
Junior year has been pretty hectic so far. There is a general shift in how I present and view myself this year academically and socially and I am still adjusting to my journey and season of life. Actually, junior year has been heavier and more serious, but also so much fun. There is less awkwardness, but more pressure because you are pretty set in your major and have to work through it.
But there is also this internal peace in knowing that I am where I need to be in my life and that I have the ability to take risks and grow in confidence and grace. There is still a blessed openness to God's Will.
And now I really do need to get back to studying,
TTFN!
Robyn
Monday, June 2, 2014
Chemistry
When I was in high school, I decorated notebooks in the hopes of organizing my life. But I also found that I enjoyed the subject more when I added artistic appeal. It makes me smile, but Chemistry was one of those subjects and now that I am enduring summer classes at community college, I've taken the old highschool chemistry off of the dusty shelf and found this poem on the back of it. I LOVE this poem and I can't help but think of how the things that touched us greatly in our formative years stay within us and keep singing in our souls as we journey to adulthood.
Peace,
Robyn
Peace,
Robyn
Barter
Life has loveliness to sell,
All beautiful and splendid things,
Blue waves whitened on a cliff,
Soaring fire that sways and sings,
And children's faces looking up
Holding wonder like a cup.
Life has loveliness to sell,
Music like a curve of gold,
Scent of pine trees in the rain,
Eyes that love you, arms that hold,
And for your spirit's still delight,
Holy thoughts that star the night.
Spend all you have for loveliness,
Buy it and never count the cost;
For one white singing hour of peace
Count many a year of strife well lost,
And for a breath of ecstasy
Give all you have been, or could be.
Friday, January 3, 2014
A Woman's Worth
This post comes from a very deep place within me that I'd like to share with my sisters out there. I think the topic of worth has been a theme for my semester and I think it also applies strongly to men too, but in a different way. But since I am a woman I'm only going into the woman's side of things.
This past semester I've seen the need of a woman discovering her worth and placing her being within her Creator's tender arms only and not in man's. I've seen this great need around me of women who have so much love to give, but are not finding the proper outlet and thus experience loneliness. Or maybe we have been hurt and our trust is harder to win over and we experience bitterness. Sometimes it has nothing to do with being hurt and everything to do with our human failings like being prideful or selfish and not trusting God. Being a woman is hard, I think, because we don't understand our nature and God's plan for our lives. But we know that deep within our being there is this desire to care for others by nourishing old friends and developing new friendships. We are carriers of light and life designed to spread warmth, joy, and love. We are literally created to nourish a life within our wombs and we also have a unique way of developing souls. A mother has this ability to perceive and understand her child like no other. Even though being a lady and nourishing others are very broad, general concepts, I believe that a woman has a unique capability in drawing out another's soul, of probing and uncovering deeper layers because our nature seeks to understand.
Whether society likes it or not, men and women think differently, but we are made to work together beautifully. I think I learned that being a woman requires being submissive sometimes or being a listener while seeking to understand and delving deeper into another's journey. All of us experience brokenness because we are not perfect! But here's the thing - we will never be perfectly emotionally satisfied in this life. Only God can and should fulfill our heart's desire because as St. Augustine says we are restless until we rest in thee.
But how do we place our trust in God alone? How do we place our core being into his bloody, scourged arms? That, my friends, is called the journey of life. It is a good and honorable challenge to daily deny ourselves and continue to seek and strive toward a greater unity with God because that is where we will feel the most secure. We will fall, but hopefully, with God''s grace, we will also rise. But sometimes outside forces distort and disrupt our ability to grow closer to God. Sometimes we are called to bear these crosses silently and sometimes we are required to seek healing by exposing our wounds to others. God will bless our efforts, even when we feel like they amount to nothing. He alone has the power to grant healing and mercy. The closer we lean God, the more we are our true selves and can give ourselves to others.
It is so important that if you or someone you love is going through doubt and brokenness that you can lead them toward the light. It is also important to share your brokenness with those you trust because He can work through those wiser than us to help grant healing. The beautiful sacrament of confession offers so much healing when you need release from sins that are weighing you down.
I'm praying for all my girls out there who doubt their worth! You are a daughter of the King.
This past semester I've seen the need of a woman discovering her worth and placing her being within her Creator's tender arms only and not in man's. I've seen this great need around me of women who have so much love to give, but are not finding the proper outlet and thus experience loneliness. Or maybe we have been hurt and our trust is harder to win over and we experience bitterness. Sometimes it has nothing to do with being hurt and everything to do with our human failings like being prideful or selfish and not trusting God. Being a woman is hard, I think, because we don't understand our nature and God's plan for our lives. But we know that deep within our being there is this desire to care for others by nourishing old friends and developing new friendships. We are carriers of light and life designed to spread warmth, joy, and love. We are literally created to nourish a life within our wombs and we also have a unique way of developing souls. A mother has this ability to perceive and understand her child like no other. Even though being a lady and nourishing others are very broad, general concepts, I believe that a woman has a unique capability in drawing out another's soul, of probing and uncovering deeper layers because our nature seeks to understand.
Whether society likes it or not, men and women think differently, but we are made to work together beautifully. I think I learned that being a woman requires being submissive sometimes or being a listener while seeking to understand and delving deeper into another's journey. All of us experience brokenness because we are not perfect! But here's the thing - we will never be perfectly emotionally satisfied in this life. Only God can and should fulfill our heart's desire because as St. Augustine says we are restless until we rest in thee.
But how do we place our trust in God alone? How do we place our core being into his bloody, scourged arms? That, my friends, is called the journey of life. It is a good and honorable challenge to daily deny ourselves and continue to seek and strive toward a greater unity with God because that is where we will feel the most secure. We will fall, but hopefully, with God''s grace, we will also rise. But sometimes outside forces distort and disrupt our ability to grow closer to God. Sometimes we are called to bear these crosses silently and sometimes we are required to seek healing by exposing our wounds to others. God will bless our efforts, even when we feel like they amount to nothing. He alone has the power to grant healing and mercy. The closer we lean God, the more we are our true selves and can give ourselves to others.
It is so important that if you or someone you love is going through doubt and brokenness that you can lead them toward the light. It is also important to share your brokenness with those you trust because He can work through those wiser than us to help grant healing. The beautiful sacrament of confession offers so much healing when you need release from sins that are weighing you down.
I'm praying for all my girls out there who doubt their worth! You are a daughter of the King.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)