OK I just have to share my nerd moment for the day!
I'm currently reading "Fatherless" by Brian Gail that was loaned to me by the lovely Allison. Around page three hundred, the author starts referencing philosophers, particularly modern philosopher's role on shaping thoughts (a process of hundreds of years) and how their thoughts influence scientists and scientific findings. One character (it goes through the journey of 4 main characters so it's a big book) was researching the linkage between breast cancer and the Pill, exploring how science might cover up some facts. SO FREAKIN COOL because philosophy is basically what I spent my freshman year learning about.
I always have high expectations for summer reading, but I'm really trying to read some deeper books than I normally would. We'll see how it goes! I just got a library book with a variety of European philosopher's writings/thoughts.
And that is how I'm spending my summer days! Trying to read/learn, stay spiritually active, be there for my family and friends, make some money and work out (ugh). Running has not been fun recently and I sometimes (ok all the time) make excuses for myself by saying that over working myself is how I broke my foot last year, but I also just need to rediscover my passion for soccer. It shouldn't be this hard, but I'm having a dry spell. I can't force it, but I also can't make up excuses forever. I feel like learning how to take care of my body is connected to taking care of my soul and if my soul is going through a dry spell with one of my absolute favorite passions, then I need to listen to my soul and nurture it. Hmm going back to the basics of the game and reconnecting with coaches and teammates is a good way to start.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Random Thoughts
Recently, I've been reflecting on changes going on within. Sometimes I feel like my life is a mess and I look at people who have it all together, wanting to be like them. But then I notice people who have lives just as messy and complicated as mine and it seems like they don't notice that their lives could be better. Then I wonder if I actually notice the little details in life that lead to a chaotic and scatterbrained existence. I mean do any of us actually change our ways when someone points out that we need to change? Even just a little? Maybe we'll listen one or two times but in the end our choices come from what we understand within us. And if our reasoning doesn't comply with another person's truth are we willing to understand where that person is coming from? To actually change our nature for the better? Basically, what I'm trying to say is in the normal hum drum of our lives are we really going to make life changing decisions that affect who we are and who we become.
How does God get through to stubborn willed people like myself? All I can think of is the more stubborn we are the more drastic action God has to take for us to notice Him.
And that's where suffering comes into the picture because the more joys God gives us, it seems as if we forget all the more to be grateful. Suffering forces us to take a good hard look at our choices/life/beliefs. We would be boring without suffering since suffering forces us to rely on something or someone outside of ourselves. We have to face that we cannot handle this life alone - physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually.
How does suffering change our nature? Form our souls? And not always for the better..... Even if we do not drastically turn away from God, sometimes we just trust His plan a little less. Or maybe we realize that we don't understand His plan or feel His presence, but in those times when evil seems to reign and He seems to be absent we really are vulnerable. We have to put our hearts on the line and they either become refreshed or dry/bitter.
Suffering is God's way of forming our character. He teaches that vulnerability means being open to pain, but He also shows that getting hurt is how one grows in true life-giving love.
Can we really give ourselves to God or one another if we haven't experienced love?
What is love then? More than just a fleeting feeling but an actual openness to being. To being eternally connected with the beloved; spiritually bound to the Savior. That seems to me why God uses suffering on people who don't deserve it - to help them grow in love.
This summer I'm going to be on a quest of figuring out not only what true love means but also how it should look in everyday life. The family is a great place to start because family shows how no matter the choice or consequence they will forever be tied to you - whether by choice or genes.
And if your family is not an example of life-giving and sacrificial love then where else do you look? The media and society are not good examples of true, faithful love. I feel like true love is one of those things we experience and live through but don't really notice. It's under played but vitally important. True love is about giving rather than receiving. And I am blessed to have friendships and relationships that give instead of take for their own use. It just makes me wonder if I give all that I can to my family and friends....but do any of us?
How does God get through to stubborn willed people like myself? All I can think of is the more stubborn we are the more drastic action God has to take for us to notice Him.
And that's where suffering comes into the picture because the more joys God gives us, it seems as if we forget all the more to be grateful. Suffering forces us to take a good hard look at our choices/life/beliefs. We would be boring without suffering since suffering forces us to rely on something or someone outside of ourselves. We have to face that we cannot handle this life alone - physically, socially, mentally, and spiritually.
How does suffering change our nature? Form our souls? And not always for the better..... Even if we do not drastically turn away from God, sometimes we just trust His plan a little less. Or maybe we realize that we don't understand His plan or feel His presence, but in those times when evil seems to reign and He seems to be absent we really are vulnerable. We have to put our hearts on the line and they either become refreshed or dry/bitter.
Suffering is God's way of forming our character. He teaches that vulnerability means being open to pain, but He also shows that getting hurt is how one grows in true life-giving love.
Can we really give ourselves to God or one another if we haven't experienced love?
What is love then? More than just a fleeting feeling but an actual openness to being. To being eternally connected with the beloved; spiritually bound to the Savior. That seems to me why God uses suffering on people who don't deserve it - to help them grow in love.
This summer I'm going to be on a quest of figuring out not only what true love means but also how it should look in everyday life. The family is a great place to start because family shows how no matter the choice or consequence they will forever be tied to you - whether by choice or genes.
And if your family is not an example of life-giving and sacrificial love then where else do you look? The media and society are not good examples of true, faithful love. I feel like true love is one of those things we experience and live through but don't really notice. It's under played but vitally important. True love is about giving rather than receiving. And I am blessed to have friendships and relationships that give instead of take for their own use. It just makes me wonder if I give all that I can to my family and friends....but do any of us?
Sunday, May 5, 2013
End of first year reflections
The air is damp/humid with a touch of chill. Clouds cover the sky and the lush greens are a reminder of the rain from yesterday. But this dreary weather cannot dampen my mood. My Grandpa's watching hockey while my dad checks his baseball app. I feel so at home. Emotions running through me are peace, acceptance, relief, joy and appreciation.
WHAT an insane first year of college.
On July 23rd, I got my firsts wake up call of just how life changing this year would be when I broke my metatarsal. Not playing soccer for 3 months and the social challenges of being disunited with a team since I wasn't bleeding on the field with them was such a learning process. I learned that some girls I thought I was friends with weren't very excited for me when I recovered and started to show them that I can play soccer. I learned that I'm not as good as I thought that I was in high school. And I learned how to adapt to coaches who do things very differently than high school. Sometimes I felt like I was on an island by myself on the team (ugh that girl with the boot). But I also discovered how beautiful some girls are who genuinely care for me as a person and not just what I do on the field. Making genuine connections with these soccer girls who I thought that I didn't have anything in common with has been so good for me. They've taught me to enjoy the community of the team, including bible studies, Zumba classes, and late night study parties. I fell, but I came back. I struggled, but I'm resiliently working towards my goal of playing on the first team. And I will, one day. Hopefully in the fall! My coaches have indicated to me that I should get playing time on the first team so now I just have to take care of myself this summer. All the pieces are falling into place.
I'll talk about all my other growing areas another time....
WHAT an insane first year of college.
On July 23rd, I got my firsts wake up call of just how life changing this year would be when I broke my metatarsal. Not playing soccer for 3 months and the social challenges of being disunited with a team since I wasn't bleeding on the field with them was such a learning process. I learned that some girls I thought I was friends with weren't very excited for me when I recovered and started to show them that I can play soccer. I learned that I'm not as good as I thought that I was in high school. And I learned how to adapt to coaches who do things very differently than high school. Sometimes I felt like I was on an island by myself on the team (ugh that girl with the boot). But I also discovered how beautiful some girls are who genuinely care for me as a person and not just what I do on the field. Making genuine connections with these soccer girls who I thought that I didn't have anything in common with has been so good for me. They've taught me to enjoy the community of the team, including bible studies, Zumba classes, and late night study parties. I fell, but I came back. I struggled, but I'm resiliently working towards my goal of playing on the first team. And I will, one day. Hopefully in the fall! My coaches have indicated to me that I should get playing time on the first team so now I just have to take care of myself this summer. All the pieces are falling into place.
I'll talk about all my other growing areas another time....
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